In case no body knew, this last weekend was "Halloweekend." So corny, what creative 12 year old came up with that term? Well, like all other billion bloggers, I'll talk about it... Remember when halloween was about watching scary movies and actually dressing for the weather? Like, wearing a winter jacket underneath your princess dress. Then you get to college and you think "fuck, it's cold." Why do educated adults think it's so cold? Maybe because you're running around in your underwear... hello, nobody wants to see your nipples standing at attention. My personal mission, now that I'm mature, was to have a halloween that's about AWESOME costumes and not about creating magical cleavage out of my A cups. My idea? Pregnant.
Here's how my halloween started... I nice family parade in dowtown brunswick. It's obviously for children to show off their costumes, but since my mom deprived me of the parade when I was younger, I marched in it this year as a proud 11 month pregnant woman. I was surrounded by little Thomas the Train and two Mario Brothers. But whatever, I think my costume required the most brain power... Either way, there were seriously millions of little nugs running wild in the streets for hours. Naturally, we were hungry after working up a sweat walking about 100 yards, so we took a short cut and went to McDonalds. While there, one of the little nugs punched my baby bump, so the jig was up when his hand sunk 6 inches into my belly.
After such an embarrassing McDonalds adventure, it was time to go trick-or-treating. YAY. not. With sun freezing temperatures, snow on the ground and ice on driveways, it made for a miserable walk. The good news, with such young kids they don't realize that they didn't get a lot of candy and only went to about 10 houses.
As usual... halloween wouldn't be complete without a side trip to Riverside. Yes, that's right, the infamous DIVE on a Monday night. We did some pregame with beer, frosting and candy just to get us in the zone. We dragged along two "Dive Virgins." As usual, they were all like "wahhh, that place is sketchy. I don't wanna die. No way am I going. blah blah blah." The only persuasion needed is showing them pictures of me (sober) at the dive clearly having the time of my life... convinced. So we pile in the car, i pull the buckle over my baby bump, and we're ready to rage. My compulsive lying has come in handy, because I was able to make up really great stories about my baby-of course the drunkies totally believed I was prego. I was about 7 months, it was a boy and I struck up a fantastic convo with "Britney Spears" about having young sons. Really insightful.... but besides lying, being pregnant and it being halloween... the highlight of my night was at 11:30 when there was a limbo contest. Not once have I ever competed due to the scientific fact that I can't bend. I balanced my odds against a bar full of hammered people and inflexible men and realized I had a fighting chance.
Well, I was right. I WON. I WON LIMBO. I CAN BEND THE MOST! Of course I took out my baby and left it on the table to give me the competitive edge. but the best part, guess what i got as a prize??? A THONG! that says "get whipped" and a 42 year old black man by my side all night. Seriously, a dream come true. I was in Dive Heaven.
As usual... halloween wouldn't be complete without a side trip to Riverside. Yes, that's right, the infamous DIVE on a Monday night. We did some pregame with beer, frosting and candy just to get us in the zone. We dragged along two "Dive Virgins." As usual, they were all like "wahhh, that place is sketchy. I don't wanna die. No way am I going. blah blah blah." The only persuasion needed is showing them pictures of me (sober) at the dive clearly having the time of my life... convinced. So we pile in the car, i pull the buckle over my baby bump, and we're ready to rage. My compulsive lying has come in handy, because I was able to make up really great stories about my baby-of course the drunkies totally believed I was prego. I was about 7 months, it was a boy and I struck up a fantastic convo with "Britney Spears" about having young sons. Really insightful.... but besides lying, being pregnant and it being halloween... the highlight of my night was at 11:30 when there was a limbo contest. Not once have I ever competed due to the scientific fact that I can't bend. I balanced my odds against a bar full of hammered people and inflexible men and realized I had a fighting chance.
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